If Aristotle Were Alive, What He Would Say About Virtual Friendships?
Despite being many years on social media, I am still amazed at the concept of online friendships and the people I call my friends but never met in person.
The virtual friendship thing is something I think more about after I have read Aristotle’s theory of friendship. In Nicomachean Ethics (Books VIII and IX), Aristotle discusses the nature and purpose of friendship (philia) as the essential 'ingredient' of the good life. The term philia is often translated as friendship, although had a broader meaning in Ancient Greek.
Nicomachean Ethics is not easy to read due to its verbose style. Besides, the translation of ancient Greek to modern English is a bit awkward. First, I would like to highlight some of Aristotle's thoughts and observations related to the subject matter. His understanding of human nature and the philosophy of friendship is still relevant today.
Aristotle asked:
Can friendship arise between any two people, or only between the good? Can wicked men be friends? Is there only one kind of friendship, or more?
Aristotle speculated that one should distinguish between true and apparent friendship, as well as different levels of friendship. There are three types of friendship, each based on different goals: a) perfect friendship or friendship of the good, b) friendship of pleasure, and c) friendship of utility.
The perfect friendship based on goodness is only such in the full sense of the word. Since goodness is an enduring quality, such friendships tend to be long lasting. The friendships based on pleasure and usefulness Aristotle considered less valuable and volatile. When there is no more benefit or pleasure, such friendships easily dissolve. Friendship based on utility is the lowest type of friendship because partners use each other for their own interests. Those three types are not mutually exclusive. Friendships of the good are often uplifted by utility or pleasure.
Wicked men can be friends with each other for the sake of pleasure and usefulness. The wicked do not rejoice in one another unless they benefit from each other. Only good men will be friends for their own sake (in virtue of their goodness), and influence each other in a good way. Aristotle wrote, "To be friends, then, they must be mutually recognized as bearing goodwill and wishing well to each other."
Some friendships are based on equality and others by virtue of superiority. Still, friendships based on superiority are not long-lasting. When there is a too great gap between friends and one become far more virtuous than the other, the friendship dissolves.
Friendship is the key to human happiness and noble in itself. No one would choose to live without friends even if he had all the other goods. "Friends are thought the greatest of external goods."
The good and honest people are not in abundance, and we must be content if we find even a few such to be our friends. Friendships of the good must be cultivated and for good friends is most important to spend time together.
There is a natural limit to how many friends of the good one can have. Aristotle stated:
One cannot be a friend to many people in the sense of having a friendship of the perfect type with them, just as one cannot be in love with many people at once.
How Aristotle's theory can be applied to virtual friendships?
In today's world, with hundreds of superficial connections made through social media platforms, friendships of the good in the Aristotelian sense are almost impossible to achieve. Even real-life friendships eventually decay over time if they are not occasionally reinforced by face-to-face interaction. What, then, can be expected from friendships that are grounded on text-based interaction only?
The question is, can the highest level of friendship (perfect friendship) be reached exclusively online? How well we know the character of our online friends. Do they reveal their true selves to others? The same questions go for us. How are we honest in presenting ourselves online?
Further, can we put trust in people we have never seen in the flesh? To quote Aristotle:
Men cannot know each other till they have 'eaten salt together.'
It means friendship requires time to evolve and mature, and people need to learn more about each other, conversing over many meals, to become close and trusted friends. Sharing meals also implies sharing all of life's experiences. Exclusively online interactions cannot fully meet that criterion of 'salt eating friendships.'
Out of my hundreds of professional connections I have gained over the years on LinkedIn, I hardly know anyone. I stopped a long time ago to accept invitations to connect if I have not had a previous meaningful interaction with those people through commenting or messaging.
Having conversations is the best way of getting to know someone better, and text-based interaction is the first step. And not only our direct interaction with that person but the person's interactions with the people connected to him/her. We can also use apps that enable us to hear and see each other, though last year made most of us tired of all video meetings. It is just not a natural way to interact with people.
Despite all the modes of communication the Internet offers us, I still wonder - is that enough? Can we still consider virtual friendships true friendships if there is no real-life interaction?
If Aristotle were alive, what he would say about virtual friendships?
If Aristotle had been living in the age of social media, when people, although geographically distant, can spend their time together with the help of the Internet and its various video, audio, and text communication apps, he would have probably thought of online friendship as one more level of friendship - of a hybrid kind and even close to perfect friendship.
Technology changed our lives and affected every aspect of them. Social media does change the way people connect with others. What still matters is the meaning of the interaction. I saw online friends supporting each other in the same way offline friends would. If there is a will and if circumstances allow, online relationships can evolve to offline.
Just like virtue friendships in the offline world, true virtual friendships are rare. I have only a few close online friends with whom I cherish deep personal and meaningful interactions despite never met them in person.
Still, my opinion is that 'eating salt together' in the Aristotelian sense is essential to true friendship. Spending time with my close friends over a cup of coffee and sharing my life with them is an irreplaceable ingredient of a fulfilled life.
Somehow, I think Aristotle would agree with me. ☺️
This post was previously published on BIZCATALYST 360°
Citations Source: Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle, written 350 B.C.E (translated by W. D. Ross)
Title Image: Braiding hair together with your best friend is a symbolic concept for true friendship, showing that your lives are intertwined on many levels.
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Komentari
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #39
Sasha, I believe he would be on social media. :) He observed human behaviour, and where else he would have better insight into ingrained human behaviours than on social media.
Fay Vietmeier
prije 2 godine #38
@Sasha Gacesa
If you did read the poem .. multiplied thanks
In the poem “Lines of Life” .. I'm not referring to lines in a newspaper (which I agree is increasingly not relevant .. and an unreliable source of actual “news” ..
I'm referring to the lines we encounter in “LIFE”
.. which require discernment .. which comes from Wisdom & knowledge (which is of God)
.. that is what is intended here .. to understand mystery .. to discern Truth
There are lines filled with mystery … the TRUTH not always clear
And so we “read between the lines” … and search & reach & dare
Your comment reminds me that for thousands of years of human history .. many FREINDSHIPS flourished with the use of
pen & paper .. some even led to marriage (before ever meeting)
I a spirit of friendship .. I leave you with thoughts from
“The Fellowship of Friendship”
https://us.bebee.com/producer/fellowship-of-friendship-WvCG78oWDU3S
The Internet has changed the ways we communicate
In all things are "the good - the bad - the ugly” (including friendships)
Blessed is anyone who can count on one hand .. true friends.
And we should BEWARE & Be Aware of the character & quality of a person
.. which always reveals itself .. over time
Sasha Gacesa
prije 2 godine #37
So, utility friendship developed into friendship of good after they shared some salt and bread
Sasha Gacesa
prije 2 godine #36
I don't want to spoil your poem but I think that this expression “reed between the lines” is coming from reading a newspapers, another relict from the past.
Sasha Gacesa
prije 2 godine #35
I believe Aristotle would burst out laughing that we're so stupid to consider social media friends a friend at all. Socrates would ask how do we know that the person is the one it claim to be? But I believe both of them would appreciate the possibility of immediate communication at a long distance. Those guy shouldn't run all the way down from the Marathon field and drop dead after he delivered the message but could send a video of the battle and victorious friends.
Fay Vietmeier
prije 2 godine #34
Roberto De la Cruz Utria Your comment "we simply use words, not entirely accurate, but if we hope to reinforce a message, although by such words, the imagination of many one takes flight." Drives how how lacking at times our words are to clearly communicate .. "the imagination of many one takes flight." .. the words we say .. how we say them .. how our words land on another person .. how they interpret what was said .. written Reminds me of one of my poems "Lines of life" There are lines filled with mystery … the TRUTH not always clear And so we “read between the lines” … and search & reach & dare https://www.bebee.com/producer/@fay-vietmeier-pennsylvania/lines-of-life
Fay Vietmeier
prije 2 godine #33
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #32
#27 #28 Fay, thank you again for taking the time to read and comment. Indeed, the vast majority of virtual friendships are based on utility, as we see on LinkedIn - it is my experience. But here on beBee, I can say that most are friendships of pleasure. :) We the 'remaining Mohicans', enjoy interacting with each other's posts. Still, rare are those who take time to actually read and comment or respond to other comments in such a thoughtful and meaningful way like you, Fay. Just like virtue friendships in the offline world, true virtual friendships must be nurtured. It requires much time and energy, and I admire those people who can do both. Is it possible to get the highest level of friendship in the Aristotelian sense online? Maybe yes, but very rarely. For me, true friends are the ones with whom we built such a level of trust you only get from years of togetherness and direct contact. But it doesn't diminish at all the value of my virtual friendships. If I could hug my beBee friends, I surely would. :)
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #31
#27 #28 Fay, thank you again for taking the time to read and comment. Indeed, the vast majority of virtual friendships are based on utility, as we see on LinkedIn - it is my experience. But here on beBee, I can say that most are friendships of pleasure. :) We the 'remaining Mohicans', enjoy interacting with each other's posts. Still, rare are those who take time to actually read and comment or respond to other comments in such a thoughtful and meaningful way like you, Fay. Just like virtue friendships in the offline world, true virtual friendships must be nurtured. It requires much time and energy, and I admire those people who can do both. Is it possible to get the highest level of friendship in the Aristotelian sense online? Maybe yes, but very rarely. For me, true friends are the ones with whom we built such a level of trust you only get from years of togetherness and direct contact. But it doesn't diminish at all the value of my virtual friendships. If I could hag my beBee friends, I surely would. :)
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #30
Ken, I agree. In my book also, true friends are those like you said. I am very cautious in sharing information about my private life on social media. On the other side, blogging (and commenting) on beBee reflects my thoughts and feelings about many things, and I believe that my beBee friends know most about me. But only my true friends know the real me because we walked through good and difficult life situations together. I need both real-life and virtual friends. Friendships I've made on beBee over the years are deeply rewarding and profoundly enriching. If Aristotle were alive, perhaps he would also be on beBee. 😀
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #29
Ken, I agree. In my book also, true friends are those like you said. I am very cautious in sharing information about my private life on social media. On the other side, blogging (and commenting) on beBee reflects my thoughts and feelings about many things, and I believe that my beBee friends know most about me. But only my true friends know the real me because we walked through good and difficult life situations together. I need both real-life and virtual friends. Friendships I've made on beBee are profoundly enriching. If Aristotle were alive, perhaps he would also be on beBee. :)
Fay Vietmeier
prije 2 godine #28
Neil Smith I appreciate your comment & observation Neil "Being vulnerable is the norm when making real world relationships so when vulnerability is shown in the digital world it bridges the gap between the two" If you read my comments below to Lada .. .. the quality & consistency of communication .. Being receptive .. being interactive .. being thoughtful .. Affinity .. Genuineness .. Meaningful Mostly being caring. What is a friend if not truly caring. Somehow through words these qualities DO come across .. in real life and in the virtual
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #27
#27 Thank you Fay Vietmeier! I'll respond to your great comments later. Unfortunately, my social media time is so limited.
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #26
To say the least, interesting comment, Harvey. I didn't know that psychologists worry about the fact we use the word, such as 'friend,' along with implying expectations of performance. :) Why words shouldn't meet the performance expectations for which they were created? How we understand their meaning may be different. In that case, we should use more words for clarification. Such as with your thought, "Media "friends" should come with no expectations on my part. That is tough enough to say but even worse to live with".
Ken Boddie
prije 2 godine #25
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #24
Roberto, I can only say that we are all different. I don't address people as 'my friend' who are not my friends, even in everyday life. I use their names (or nicknames) instead. I also never call someone 'love, 'dear' and 'my life' who isn't that. I believe it is also a cultural thing, i.e., related to a particular society and its customs. When someone uses the term 'my friend' without actually knowing that person at all, it reminds me of the line in Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar, "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears," when Ceasar wanted to convince a crowd to agree with his point of view. 😃 Politicians also use 'my friends' in their political campaigns.
Fay Vietmeier
prije 2 godine #23
Fay Vietmeier
prije 2 godine #22
Fay Vietmeier
prije 2 godine #21
Fay Vietmeier
prije 2 godine #20
Harvey Lloyd
prije 2 godine #19
#22 The word friend can mostly anything. I guess what worries me and the psychologists is the fact we use the word along with implying expectations of performance, now that i have called you, friend. Media "friends" should come with no expectations on my part. That is tough enough to say but even worse to live with.
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #18
Harvey, you always raise commenting to a higher level. :) I believe we both agree that most online friendships are superficial. Those are not 'philia' relationships. Calling 'friend' a person who commented on your post only once and with whom you had no previous interactions is somewhat inappropriate. To be friends with someone has a much deeper meaning to me. People use the term ‘friend’ on social media too easily. Sharing life with friends is in Aristotle’s conception of eudaimonia or good life. Instead of sharing life in the Aristotelian sense, i.e. spending physical time together, people share information about their life with their virtual friends. It's a huge difference between sharing life and sharing about life. In the age of social media, many spend so much time sharing about their life with people many of whom are just superficial connections. I wonder does that affect maintaining their real-life friendships? Maybe some people can do both.
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #17
Neil, you explained vulnerability perfectly. There are many psychological factors why people are more open, vulnerable, and honest on social media than they might be face to face, at least initially. And I believe it's an individual thing. To connect deeply without meeting in person and show your own vulnerability in public requires a level of trust that is not simple. Perhaps, it all starts with ourselves and our ability to make friends remotely. It takes openness and sometimes courage. :) I'm still not courageous enough.
Harvey Lloyd
prije 2 godine #16
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #15
In addition to my previous comment and your thoughts on non-verbal communications, I would like to add that I'm a "hugging" person. :) I'm one of those people who hug, shake hands and use other non-verbal modes of communication in face-to-face interactions. We need to explore the world through multiple senses, and touch is the most sophisticated and intimate of all the human senses.
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #14
Thank you, Roberto, for such an interesting comment. I agree that many friendships would not even begin in the real world if they hadn't first developed online. The virtual connection preceded the physical. I mentioned several times in my comments on beBee my husband who met online many people in his field (Malacology). With a few of them, he established close and trusted friendships after meeting them in person. So, they were first collaborators on several scientific articles, and after, they became close friends and often visited each other even though they live in different countries. Or another example. If you are on LinkedIn, you've probably heard of Sarah Elkins and her No Longer Virtual project. She is a great advocate of face-to-face communication, and NLV events were opportunities to truly connect with people and deepen and strengthen already powerful online friendships.
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #13
Thank you for commenting, Greg. I'm not an expert either, but only thinking out loud. :) "Nonverbal communication is vita to honest or deep interaction." You are right. People's real-life personas might be very different from what comes across based on the written communication only. There’s much more to know about any one of us than what we share on social media.
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #12
I met my closest online friends through blogging and think it’s the best way to get to know someone online. Thoughtful discussions with my online friends on their or my blog posts is something I cannot experience with my real-life friends cause they don’t blog. :-) We are not on the same social media sites either. Mohammed, thanks for commenting and sharing. :)
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #11
I look forward to eating salt with you, Paul :)
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #10
Yes, my friend, online friendship is one more level of friendship. It is not about comparing friendships. Both groups of my dear friends (real-life and virtual) bring something unique to my life. But real-life friends know the real me. Truly knowing someone and caring for him/her requires years walking beside them in all life's situations.
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #9
Yes, Pascal, online friendship is one more level of friendship. It is not about comparing friendships. Both groups of my dear friends (real-life and virtual) bring something unique to my life. But real-life friends know the real me. Truly knowing someone and caring for them requires years walking beside him/her in all life's situations.
Paul Walters
prije 2 godine #8
Lada 🏡 Prkic
prije 2 godine #7
Thanks, Robert. A humorous comment, as always. :) I would love to have the opportunity to invite my beBee friends and will fill my fridge to the top for them. :) That 'pinch of salt' would add another dimension to our friendships. The fact that it is hard to happen doesn't diminish what we already have.
Neil Smith
prije 2 godine #6
Greg Rolfe
prije 2 godine #5
Mohammed Abdul Jawad
prije 2 godine #4
Mohammed Abdul Jawad
prije 2 godine #3
Pascal Derrien
prije 2 godine #2
Robert Cormack
prije 2 godine #1